There are only 5-6 matriarchal societies left in the world, some are in Africa while others are in Southeast Asia. However, there is one in particular that caught my attention: Mosuo in China.
Why do they never get married? How do they feel about it? With the increasing inter-ethnic marriage and the opening of tourism in the Mosuo area, can they preserve their culture? Last November, I spent seven days in Mosuo villages and documented seven families with a focus on the head of the household and their living environment. I hope the following article gives you a peek into their lives.
Geography and Culture
source: https://www.chinatravel.com/facts/the-mosuo-of-the-forgotten-kingdom.htm
Mosuo is a small ethnic group living in Yunnan province and they are a branch of the Naxi minority. Nestled at the foothills of Himalayas, more than 13 villages of various sizes surround the beautiful Lugu Lake.
This beautiful bridge is named “Walking Marriage Bridge”, where young Mosuo boys and girls would come to find their dates. With boys on one side and girls on the other, they would sing to each other for attention. Now with the availability of cellphones and social media, the bridge has since become a tourist attraction.
Mosuo people practice both their own syncretic faith named Daba as well as Tibetan Buddhism due to its close proximity to Tibet. Daba has a very small role in today’s Mosuo culture, with the Daba priest called to perform ceremonies such as a child’s birth or funeral. You will see many old women practice Buddhism early in the morning and at sunset, but it is very much a lost art among the younger generation.
Mosuo has no written characters so it is mainly passed by oral tradition and written phonetically. They don’t observe the calendar year but rather follow the lunar year. Because of that, many Mosuo people don’t know their official birthday but they can tell you roughly which year they are born and perhaps which month.
Society Structure
Mosuo is a matriarchal society so obviously women play a dominant and primary role in leadership, control of property, and social privilege.
Mosuo women are highly regarded for their motherhood, a regard which is passed down through the female line, giving the female lineage final decision on rights, responsibilities, and distribution within the family. Children take their mother's last name and often you will see close bonding between mother and their children.
Women also don’t get married, at least not in the sense of western culture where the couple would get a marriage certificate. Often, men live with their mother, so men’s primary responsibility is to help raise the children of his own family as the uncle.
Mosuo families love having more girls in the family for obvious reasons, but they treat both girls and boys equally.
What if a Mosuo family can’t have a female successor for various reasons? Typically, they will try to adopt one from relatives.
Different Forms of Marriage
The Mosuo community has drawn a lot of tourism in recent years because of the beautiful lake setting as well as the myth behind the “Walking Marriage”.
The definition of “Walking Marriage” means that the partners live apart, with the men visiting the woman, and returning to their mother’s house. This is the most common form of the relationship in Mosuo although there’s a rising trend of living together. There is no concept of marriage certificate or license. Increasingly, the younger generation chooses to live in a separate house away from their parents. Rising tourism also gives the males more economic opportunities, such as working in a guest house, hotels, or rowing boats on Lugu Lake, instead of the more traditional work such as heavy manual labor.
Mosuo people actually are very reserved and respectful. The concept of “walking marriage” is based on mutual love and affection and rarely is based on lust. Divorce is as simple as a breakup, as there is no legal binding and no joint financial ties. Many Mosuo families told me this actually allowed them to focus purely on love in their relationships.
When women are young, they are free to explore several partnerships but they are almost all serial monogamy. Many Mosuo couples are loyal to each other and form a lifelong partnership once they find a soulmate, especially if they have a child together.
Some of the tourists are really attracted to the concept of “walking marriage”, and fantasize about a “one-night stand” by traveling to Lugu area, however Musuo women are not sexually promiscuous in that way. There is increasing prostitution in the area, however, most of them are outsiders, rather than the reserved and beautiful Mosuo people.
Intermarriage is on the rise, with Han or Tibetan Chinese who both follow the traditional patriarchal structure and want a traditional marriage with a certificate. Surprisingly, Mosuo people are very tolerant and open to different forms of relationship. I have met couples who are married but living in a Mosuo house with their mom, I have also met couples who decided to move out and eventually move to the big city outside Mosuo. The increasing access to various forms of the media, the influence of the more traditional images of women in the society, and economic status changes of Mosuo men who now have access to education and their own income, all contribute to the ever-changing landscape of relationships for Mosuo.
A Typical Mosuo Home
During my trip, I got to visit quite a few Mosuo homes. First, you don’t visit a Mosuo home without some presents. It is just a tradition. It doesn’t have to be expensive, just some cake, candy or a bottle of local wine.
This is a very typical courtyard style Mosuo home. Usually, there is grandma’s house where the head of the household lives, where all of the key decisions are made. Often the cooking also happens in grandma’s room.
When guests arrive, they often make hot tea right inside grandma’s house.
This is also the place where the head of the household prays or organizes family meetings.
After visiting a few houses, I realize every grandma’s house has this smaller sized gate on the opposite of the bed. Eventually, I learned that this is the gate to birth and death. When a new baby is born in a Mosuo family, the baby will be placed behind the gate as a symbolic ceremony to celebrate the birth. Or when an elder dies, the body is placed behind the gate for 1-2 days.The gate is often right behind the dining table, I couldn’t stop thinking of how I enjoyed the few meals while sitting right there.
With tourism, some Mosuo families now have more income beyond traditional farming. The change is very obvious by looking at their houses. Some have started having a separate kitchen, unlike the traditional way of cooking inside grandma’s house, where you also dine, entertain the guest, sleep or hold family meetings. The picture above is a grandma’s house that hasn’t changed much at all, you can see curing meat hanging above the stove, with a poster of Chairman Mao behind.
A traditional bed in grandma’s house.
Each house also has a prayer room.
The rest of the courtyard is typically where family members live. Young girls who are at the age of courtship, often get their own rooms. Mosuo people are very respectful when it comes to privacy, despite the limited space, so girls will often get a quiet corner as they develop their relationships. A young man usually only comes in the evening and leaves in the morning back to his own house. But typically when the relationship matures, he will come and go more during the day time.
Mosuo women’s Life
Although Mosuo women have a dominant role in the family, that doesn't mean they have a more relaxed life sitting back and doing nothing. On the contrary, they are some of the hardest working people I have ever met.
This woman is 75 and she still does farming work every day.
Taking care of the grandkids.
Their hardworking lifestyle is shown on the deep wrinkles all over their faces. Perhaps due to the active lifestyle, Mosuo women live very long well into their 80s. They are typically released from their responsibilities in their 60s but some may hold the positions well into their late 70s.
Men have a much shorter life span. Compared to the women who carry much bigger responsibilities in life, their lives seem to be more on the leisure side. They don’t have to carry heavy stuff, instead they ride on donkeys, which carry goods across the mountain. And they don’t have to worry about the household finances or even to share the responsibility to raise children. Many have turned to cigarettes and alcohol. I met a few widows on the trips where their partners have passed away in their 60s. However, with rising awareness and access to education and tourism, men have started to earn more money outside their traditional farming. It will be interesting to see how these economic and social structure changes will change the activities of the men!
Mosuo is a mirror of how economic change can affect the traditions and culture. Its story is nothing new in China’s rural areas as they start to develop. How would these cultures preserve or evolve in these conditions? Will the young people eventually leave the village? Will they eventually accept the traditional concept of marriage as it is? Without written language, how would the youngsters learn about the tradition as they are passed down by older generations? Which way of life is better? The simple, rural life with limited access to everything? Or the more modem, disruptive one with abundant resources?